dreadfulpenny: (Imagined)
For some reason I am moved to update. So here I am.

It's kind of amazing. Day two without the Giant Timesuck has proven to be just as comfortable and productive as day one was. I once again read for a while (yesterday was Eclipse [shuttup], and tonight was Crime and Punishment, which is probably some sort of smart-ass response to the SMeyer fluff [and by the way I cannot express how much it truly amuses me to have the two volumes sitting on top of each other on my nightstand]) and continued the now-ongoing project to clean up my iPod. I have hundreds of doubles and broken files -- it was an enormous mess and I've barely scratched the surface. While I liked the Timesuck (a game that I was kicked out of, basically -- although, they have relented and will let me play again if I so choose), it was taking my energy and creativity away. I had become a pointless little simian, pushing the button over and over again because it gave me the sensation of happiness, even though I was subconsciously miserable at the lack of meaningful content in my life. Ridiculous game, Facebook and reading my f-list were just about all I did, aside from devouring too much television. It wasn't pretty.

I don't know that I want to go back to playing the game, even though I have been permitted back. I like the feeling that I have right now. I am filled with quiet accomplishment and I feel much more relaxed than I have in a while. I haven't really had fun with the game in a while. It was more something that I was used to doing than something that I looked forward to doing. So I might be done. In fact, I think that I NEED to be done. It was just another way to indulge my internet addiction (which I'm already not proud of). And it really is that. I don't want to be that way any more. I don't want to sit around reading about life on a little glowing screen. I want to live it.

I want to infuse my life with richness and detail. I want colors, experiences, tastes, smells, aromas, sensations, experiences. More of the scent of the Asian grocery, my hair getting caught in handcuffs, stroking gorgeous silk saris, crunching on bamboo shoots, listening to all kinds of music and reading Russian literature (or fluffy teenage romances with Extra Vampire Angst) and much, MUCH less huddling over my laptop clicking buttons and reading about what everybody else is doing with their life. In other words I want to quit being depressed.

Yeah. That's it.

I want to quit being depressed. Badly. I want my give-a-damn to work correctly. I think that it is starting to turn a little more in tune now, thanks in no small part to my new supplements and a conscious effort to take care of myself when I need it. I hope to God that it lasts.

In other news, WORDS. I am getting my words back. It's amazing. Look, I used "simian" up there. I don't know that I could have done that a week ago. I sort of feel like I'm remembering who I used to be before the internet addiction got so terrible. The trick is going to be continuing in the same fashion.

In other OTHER news, this is my new favorite song:

This isn't the actual video, and I don't want to see the official version if there is one. I dreamed an awesome version of my own a few days ago that I am terribly attached to.

PS: Anybody know of any icon request communities? I need a simple one, text and textures, but have no PhotoShop of my very own.

July 2015

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