dreadfulpenny: (Jack.dream)
I am starting my new year early, so to speak. This means (again) working on time management and trying to devote my time to things that I know are worthwhile. I know that everyone needs a break sometimes, so I'll still do some of the frivolous things that I've been up to lately. I just won't do ONLY frivolous things (which has, sadly, been my primary source of occupation for a while). I've given up my delightful wastes of time that end in -ville as the first step.

Which means that instead of getting up this morning and noodling away on my fake farm, fake frontier and fake city, I got up and cooked these for our dinner tonight, after not being able to do so yesterday morning before work. Now, instead of tending to the aforementioned false enterprises, I'm writing in my blog and getting ready to read a few chapters in Whitechapel Gods. (This book is going to be the first that I read start to finish without touching any other books. I haven't done that in years. I am HORRIBLE about starting one book, getting bored, then starting another. It's sickening and I need to stop because I never FINISH anything.) I feel accomplished already. It's a nice change from the vaguely irritated feeling that I used to carry around after finishing up with the false enterprises. It's strange to admit this, but I'm pretty sure I was (am) addicted to those stupid, stupid games.

It's irritating. I have known for a while that I have an addictive personality. It's just such a frustrating thing to deal with. The willpower required to overcome said addictions is almost nonexistent unless I am in top form. That was something that almost never used to happen. Turns out I was depressed and miserable for a long time. I'm much better now, so it's time to truly kick my ridiculous habit. I can freely acknowledge that it's a ridiculous addiction to have. Nevertheless, it is mine and, ridiculous or not, I struggle with it. It takes up too much of my life. The rest of my life is affected because of it. There have been numerous occasions wherein I have ignored responsibilities in favor of playing those damned games. I have made myself late for work. I have ignored my husband and pets. I feel horrible for doing those things. So it's time to change.

Starting with words. I used to have the Farmville app on my iPhone. I deleted it and instead of "farming" last night while J. was shopping in Lowes, I read a book on my Kindle app instead. This is something that I haven't done in ages. It felt really wonderful. I've also taken up my non-internet journal again. This also feels incredibly wonderful. I knew in the back of my head that I must write in a journal nearly daily in order to keep my mind organized and calm. I just wasn't doing it for the longest time. My hours were spent on wastes of time. No more. I've often griped that my time is very valuable to me. I get very little of it to myself. Now it's time to fill my free time with things that really do matter to me, instead of things that just frustrate me and make me feel stupider when I'm finished. Go me.

July 2015

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