dreadfulpenny: (A blaze of light)
I have so much on my mind. It's mostly all revolving around a few unhappy subjects - money (we don't have enough of it, that was easy) and my job.

The job part is complex. Because, you see, I LIKE my job, and I like where I work, but days like today really, truly make me feel like I can't do it anywhere near well enough. I doubt my own abilities. I feel like I cannot keep up and everyone is secretly criticizing me and the decision that led me to this store. I hate that feeling so much. Plus, one man was extremely rude to me today and I am worried that he will complain and use my name. If this happens too many times, I will be demoted and we cannot afford that. That's a worry for another day. I can't do anything about it now, and I know that I was as polite as I could be to this man, and he was angry because he has a fungus infection and he had to wait for his prescription. That's not my fault.

I need to try and find an outlet of SOME sort. I would really like to learn to quilt. I have fabric and the basic, beginner supplies. I enjoy doing things with my hands. It's very relaxing to me to do busywork like sewing. I suppose I could just start stitching and see where that takes me. I've started a respectable collection of fabric scraps and pieces. All that's left is to start putting them together and seeing what comes out, I guess. I'm also trying to get back to writing more, here and in a physical journal. That helps somewhat. I need something to give meaning into my life. I look at what I have and I know that I have so much already, so many things that other people don't have. I have a job that mostly supports my life, a husband that I love who is also my best friend, a place to live, a car that is equipped with air conditioning (and tinted windows now), a working laptop computer with access to the internet, hundreds (maybe thousands) of things to read and watch, enough food to eat, enough clothing to wear...I have so much. I am not ungrateful for the things that I have. I am simply feeling hollow right now, like a clockwork version of myself. I go through the motions, and I appear to be OK, but I don't feel like anything has any significance any more.

Ennui. My problem is ennui. I have an overwhelming, alarming case of ennui. I want...NEED...something different in my life. K's thinking about going to Korea. I wish that I could toss everything to fate and sign up to do something like that. Damned responsibilities and burdens. I hate it so much.

We're seeing Blue October for the last time for a while in August. I don't think that J and I will be going to too many concerts for a while once we move back to Florida. We're not near ANYTHING in PC. We've been a stone's throw from Dallas this whole time, and we've tried to take advantage of it as much as possible. We've gone as far as San Antonio and Austin for shows previously, and that's not bad. I just consulted Mapquest, and it's approximately six hours (nonstop) to Orlando from PC, so maybe we'll get to go to a few things. But my boys in Blue don't go to Florida all that often. Or haven't in the past. Their new album drops the day before the show we're going to (August 16th), so who knows if they'll really explode this time or not.

All right. That's enough of that. I'm going to go change clothes and go bug J. at the shop. He needs to come home.
dreadfulpenny: (Music)
I am firmly convinced that I have a concert angel.

We trekked down to San Antonio (Helotes, actually) yesterday for the purpose of seeing Blue October again. Somehow, despite a line that was several hundred people strong when we arrived, J and I ended up next to the stage. We were the second row of people by the security barrier, but still six feet from the stage. We experienced a small incident that was quickly diffused by a very helpful gentlemen who was merely a member of the audience (though, we think that he was with the girl who caused the problem in the first place). It was a nice change from an earlier show - remind me to tell you about the time that Hipster Barbie attempted to beat up my husband at the Cake show we went to around New Year's.

But no, things were cool. I have learned that, for the most part, Blue October fans are among the greatest people in the world. The girl standing next to us saved me with a very fortuitously timed bottle of cold water that HER friend had just given to her. She told me that she didn't need it because she still had half of her original bottle. It was exceedingly hot and miserable. One girl passed out while the opening act was playing. I'm pretty sure I would have followed had it not been for that girl. Bless her, wherever she is. After the opening act was finished (and they were incredibly late starting the show), I wandered off in search of more water. They ran out of bottled water (surprise surprise) and were giving away cups of ice water at the bar. Decently sized cups too, not just tiny courtesy cups. I noted that, braved the port-a-potties (and did my own good dead by handing the last roll of toilet paper to the first female walking towards the rest area that I came across - it was BAD, no tissue anywhere except in the very last facility in the far corner). I bought the opening act's CD and somehow managed to carry back four cups of ice water to the front of the stage where J was waiting. In addition to J I gave water to the girl who'd helped me out before and the girl that was standing next to us by the time I got back (J had been able to scoot us up a bit).

I was still really disoriented and wobbly after all the water. J slipped out during "Hate Me" (always part of the encore) to get the car started and cooling down. They always play at least two encore songs. This time they did three. I ended up wandering out during the third ("X Amount of Words" which I wasn't feeling at that particular moment). I MUST have been feeling miserable to walk out early from a Blue concert. Either way, the show was fantastic. I still have yet to hear either of my very favorites live ("Independently Happy" and "You Make Me Smile" though I heard the latter at the show where J and I met) though they did an amazing version of "Congratulations" (I cried) that made up for it. They're such an awesome band and I hope that anybody reading this will seek them out if they discover that there's a Blue show coming around soon.
dreadfulpenny: (Music)

Saw these guys in Austin on Saturday night. We almost didn't make it to the show. I was headache-having and tired and grumpy and in the mood to hibernate. It's a long story.

But we made it to the show. It was beyond fantastic. We were literally right in front of the stage (it was a small, excellent venue). I reached out and brushed fingertips with Steven McKellar (the singer/bassist) when he held his hand out shortly after playing something beautiful and haunting on the piano. I have pictures and video, but the audio did not turn out at all, as there was a sub right in front of us. Alas.

During the above song, Steven stepped off the edge of the stage and ended up in the crowd. The moment was nearly ruined by the girls who kept trying to grind with him. It was also ruined by the fact that I nearly got taken out by the microphone stand.

We snagged two guitar picks (but I gave one away to a nice girl who asked me if I would hand her one and said please), a set list, and the huge poster that was on the wall outside of Antone's (the venue).

Despite my weariness, I felt amazing today. Live music does this to me. Good live music flows into my soul and wakes up pieces of me that drift off in the mundane existence that I struggle through so much of the time.


dreadfulpenny: (Default)

Blue October was fantastic. They have reached that point wherin their song catalog is big enough that it would be easy to alienate either the old fans or the new ones. They wonderfully balanced the old with the new, opening the show with "The Sound of Pulling Heaven Down" (one of my favorites) and closed with "Italian Radio". They played a lot from their new album and a good portion of Foiled too. They didn't play either of our songs ("Balance Beam" and "You Make Me Smile") but they did "Calling You" which fits almost as well. Justin's mother was there, in the VIP area overlooking the stage from the balcony of the club that hosted the show (it was outdoors). She cried during "Hate Me". The album version of the song starts out with a really cheerful-but-concerned voicemail from her. It gives the song a slightly different tone, one that I prefer. Anyway, the show was awesome, and I can't wait to see them again.

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July 2015

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